Boy... oh boy!

Why can’t we listen to good advice?
Why do we do things we know are bad for us?
Why do we want what we can’t have?

Okay… I am trying to put a certain boy out of my head. I know that my affection for him futile (and even more depressingly, one sided). If that isn’t bad enough he has run off to the other side of the world for half a year. I know all these things but emotionally I still can’t let him go. No wait, it’s not that I can’t let him go, it’s that I can’t let the ‘idea’ of him go.

He is artistic, friendly, and attractive. He’s what I want in a boy, and what I have tried so hard to find. Him going overseas doesn’t seem like the right ending... what about my ‘happily ever after’?

I know in reality this certain boy probably hasn’t thought twice about me since leaving Australia. I know that, but I won’t accept it. I can’t accept it. Regardless I am trying to move on, and was doing a pretty good job at it until it happened.

That’s right... I got contact.

After weeks of nothing I get a few uber cute and ever so quirky messages. And just like that all those silly feelings I tried so hard to suppress came flooding back!
The worst thing is the small validation I received from those messages was then shot to shit when I received nothing in return. And as shattered as I feel now, I know the cycle will happen again the next time he gets around to contacting me.

Yes, it's pathetic. I sound love sick, over-dramatic, and not a day over fifteen. As much as I wish I could control my emotions I can’t. I just hope that writing my feelings down will allow me to take some ownership over them. And most importantly I hope it will stop this pointless dribble from playing around in my head like a broken record. Remember Vanessa... you have homework to do!!!

Humm… my final thoughts?
”Throw rocks at boys, they smell!”